Follow Me and You too can be a Social Recluse!

This is the result of an exercise in a writing class that I'm currently taking. It was quick and fun, and I laughed as I wrote. 

It’s all about positioning. In marketing lingo that means that you create your desired identity in the mind of your target market. The goal is always to mold your image into what you want it to be instead of allowing it to be molded into, well, whatever it molds into without your guidance and strict oversight.

Just remember it’s all about you. So many people think that the purpose of social media is to connect with others and build these relationships. Pshaw. It’s just about you. But to really be seen as a social maven, you must connect with hundreds – no make that thousands – of others. Who are they? Who cares? Just friend, follow and link. See a familiar name. Send them a connection notice. See someone that looks interesting. Send them a connection notice with a few lines of interest and praise.

Being a social recluse is easier than it might appear at first glance, and it really involves two things. First, it’s about connecting with people as mentioned above. They can be brothers, cousins, colleagues, neighbors, or college roommates. But they also can be strangers like the guy in Turkey who cooks in his family’s restaurant and posts his menu every day. Or, it could be that bookish Swede with designer glasses that posts articles from Se&Hör. Who you connect with is important for attracting others because people want to connect with cool people. You, by default, are cool if you have cool connections. Become a member of numerous groups and wear those memberships like badges. Unlike a cocktail party, you don’t have to find a way to work it into the conversation. Your friends and memberships are there for all to see. And admire.

Those awkward cocktail party moments of remembering someone’s birthday, husband’s name, favorite color don’t exist because you have access to that information – as well as what their favorite TV show is, that they just returned from hiking in Estes Park, and that their oldest son James is a freshmen at A&M making them proud Aggie Moms and Dads.

The second requirement is showing up. One of the beauties of being a social recluse is that most of it ‘happens’ from the comfort of your couch or your desk or your patio lounge chair. No fussing or fretting over what to wear. You control the image and can upload and change it often. So, everything matches and is stylish. Those faded red sweat pants and your too-small UT shirt. Invisible. You didn’t wash your face? No biggie. Your hair is pulled back and stringy. No one can see you. Just make sure you cover that small camera on the top of your laptop screen with a Post-It note.

An added benefit: social awkwardness is no longer an issue. Small talk is easier, and frankly better than at a cocktail party, and you don’t have to balance a drink and a plate. Politics and sex are still off limits, yet people do mention their party preferences and post article links that give away their political leanings. Religion is everywhere – there are many prayer requests and ‘I am blessed’ comments – but that doesn’t mean you have to join the fray. Or should I say pray.

You can also attend multiple events at one time. No one is checking at the door. RSVP away. Recommend and give the thumbs up – one of the few times it is socially acceptable to do so – to as many events as you’d like. Parties, galas, art openings. Your social calendar will be jammed.

Position yourself accordingly and you’ll be seen as culturally aware and socially engaged. Just remember to friend, follow and link. And post a comment every now and then.